The Fight's Not Worth It

What happens when we fight for things we don't really want?

I'm seeing people doing this without even realizing they're doing it. They're fighting for scraps in their relationships, not able to see that the person they're with isn't offering more than that.

They're settling for a bird in hand because it's what they thought they wanted when they signed up for it. And now they're realizing it isn't all they thought it would be (sometimes it's wildly different from what we imagined it would be, leaving us confounded as to how we ended up "here").

I see this fight in movies and shows. I hear it in podcasts, even from the mouths of people I admire.

I hear people defending where they're at, their "amazing" therapists, their childhood traumas. And it fires me right up.

I wish I could gently shake them by their humans' shoulders and rattle them awake. I wish I could make them see what they're doing and what it means.

They're fighting for things they don't really want. I want to say, "If you defend your therapists, you get to keep them, and everything they haven't been able to help you heal."

I want to say, "If you want to keep pulling your childhood, or the bad and sad and crazy things that have happened to you off a shelf and share them to get people to respond to you or treat you with kid gloves and sympathy, you get to keep them, and the storyline they've created."

And to the woman who places the blame on her narcissistic husband or ex-husband and waves that flag in the air every time she has a chance to: "If you want to keep a narcissistic husband or ex-husband, you get to when you keep fighting for him with your words."

The gnarly thing is, we don't know we're doing the fighting.

It's such a human, 3D, subconscious act that unless something or someone wakes us up, we're just in a dream state, fighting for our limitations.

But the real fight is between you and yourself. Your life is a reflection of this inner dynamic.

Your soul has orchestrated your life to perfection. Where you're in resistance to what you've lived through (or are living through) is where you're fighting your highest soul self. The part of you that's fighting is the part of you that was created through everything you've been through. It's the inner child who still wants to come home to her infinitely loving soul. It's the shadow that was created by the wounded inner child that wants to come home to the light of her infinitely worthy soul.

When you fight for something that's causing you anxiety (or will continue to give you anxiety), you get to keep it and the anxiety. If you fight for something that makes you sad (childhood experiences, current dynamics with your partner, family, children), you get to keep them and the sadness.

As an example of how subtle the fighting can be, I'll share again about the last two years of my "fighting" for limitations in my business. I chose to believe there was a problem to solve (marketing, messaging...) and kept being algorithmically fed "solutions" to my problem. And then I would find a solution to the solution because the first one hadn't fixed my problem. So I kept stacking new people, courses, mentors, and masterminds, continuing to defend my limitation. Fighting for a problem I didn't have and didn't want.

I wanted to get this modality out to the world. I found something to be "the problem" and convinced myself of it. This was also outsourcing, like when we say "if you didn't do that, I wouldn't feel this way." I was positioning something external as the problem because isn't it much safer to place the blame somewhere other than on ourselves? If I say, "It's a marketing, branding, messaging problem," rather than, "I guess I don't fully believe that if I just trust myself, I'll figure out how to get this work in front of the exact people who need it."

Oof. So much easier to outsource. But it's fighting to keep the thing we don't want.

And I'm just going to pop this in here real quick: the things you don't want are things your soul needs.

When you release your resistance to what's happening (and what happened) and heal yourself into harmony, life gets really beautiful and powerful. And when you heal the main themes that have separated you from living from your wildly wonderful soul, everything else becomes a quicker fix. You're faster to recognize what's happening, that you're fighting with yourself, and you get to heal yourself through it quickly.

Your soul loves speed, especially when it comes to getting what it came here to get from your human experience.