Nourishing Women: A Lesson in Self Care From New Mothers

Nourishing women living through a global pandemic, a tight election, parenting her children, and homeschooling all while working from home.

The First Forty Days: The Essential Art of Nourishing the New Mother: A book by Amely Greeven, Heng Ou, and Marisa Belger

I haven’t just given birth but I’ve felt myself drawn to this book about nurturing the mother for the 40 days postpartum so that she’s restored and replenished and able to carry on all that having a baby brings.

2020 began with a lot of us armed with our vision boards for the year, excitement for all the things we planned on doing in the same way an expectant mother is excited and nervous but charging forward with her birth plan TIGHT. It’s printed and laminated and she’s ready to “do this her way”.   

But then things went all kinds of sideways and the birth plan was thrown out the window (just like our vision boards and big plans for 2020). 

The mother gives birth but it wasn’t anything like what she planned for and she finds herself back home, trying to heal physically, mentally, emotionally, and get her bearings but life is still happening.  There are other kids to take care of, meals to prepare, a home to manage, her relationships to tend to. Oh, and now she’s a teacher to her children, and her maternity leave is coming to an end and she’s back to work (but remotely) so she’s juggling the baby, teaching and raising the kids, and working out of her #cloffice (closet-office). Even handling just one of these tasks is enough to bring stress to the mind and body.

It’s not surprising that she’s trying to hurry up and move beyond all of this and the experience that was so difficult without pausing to allow the wave of all that wasn’t - all that she’d hoped and planned for - that didn’t come to be.  Or maybe it did happen but it sobered her up like a slap to the face.

We might be doing the same - sprinting toward 2021 because this year has been a wreck and we just want to move past it.  But I’ve been feeling the need for pause. Because what we don’t acknowledge and attend to now is just waiting for us down the road (when we won’t necessarily want to deal with it because life is “good again!”  But it’s still there, waiting and popping up in random places to remind you that it’s there and needs dealing with). 

And that low level (or HIGH level which is likely the case) stress takes up residence in our bodies.  It makes its mark in the couch within us. Our nervous systems go on the fritz, our sleep is trash and not restorative, then we eat to feel better and what we reach for with our fuzzy minds isn’t the kind of nutrition we really need.  We’re reaching for (and aching for) comfort any way we can get it.  

But just like the mom with baby (who’s not sleeping, who’s hanging off her boob all day every day) who feels like if she can just get to where he’s sleeping through the night, or eating solids, or when he’s more independent she could take some time to care for herself (after all these other things come through,) we’re operating much the same, as if 2020 is a sprint and we just want to cross the finish line, believing that it’ll be easier to do the things to take care of ourselves “when we aren’t so stressed” and things go back to being easier.  

I don’t doubt that there are good and healthy times ahead for us, but now is the time we need to be taking deep care of ourselves so that we make it through everything we’re simmering in right now with our health in tact, with a new (or deeper) way of relating to ourselves and caring for ourselves so that we can fully enjoy and appreciate those good and healthy times ahead.

So I’ve been taking notes and making foods and drinks from a book meant for women who have just given birth. It’s been a lesson in what it means to really be present, to take inventory of where we’re at, what we need, what no longer serves us, all of which is healing in itself - the pause to honor and love on ourselves wherever we’re at.  

It reminds me that the fastest way around is generally through, and that caring for and nurturing myself and my family by slowing down enough to see where we’re at, how we’re feeling, what needs shifting, what needs releasing has been a gift in this season.

I’m busy af so even though I’d love to have 40 days to rest and nurture my body and mind - I can’t - I’m not sure I know anyone who can (including women who have actually given birth - but I’d love to see this change!) So I’ve started small and take gentle steps towards something nourishing and restorative each day.

I fill my water bottle first thing in the morning so that it’s done and all I need to do is drink that one bottle (I also add a pinch of pink or gray salt to it for the minerals).

I set out whatever supplements I’m taking so they’re ready and I can just pop them all in my mouth in one go and drink some water from my one water bottle (win-win!)

I hold onto my morning ritual of a reishi mushroom, cacao, collagen powder and homemade almond milk tonic and it stands as the cornerstone of my self care.  I do it every morning and I know that I’m A) enjoying something really beautiful that is B) really nourishing and great for my immune system and health in general and C) taking the 3 minutes to make it reflects back to me that I’m worth taking 3 minutes to do something that feels really good and positive for myself.

I’m looking for more ways to do tiny things each day that support where I’m at so that I can keep myself from crashing.  Like lying down twice a day for at least 10 minutes (it resets your central nervous system when you get horizontal - like a tiny “reset” button that feels really good to push).  I’m setting my food situation up in a way that makes it easy to put something healthy into my body without a lot of effort (I’m terrible at taking time to make something good for myself to eat in the middle of the day because I’m busy living my life!  I can’t be bothered to wash, cut up, steam/roast or prepare vegetables or healthy meals in a way that’s appetizing when I’m just so hungry!)

It’s baby steps for sure, but I think any shifts we can make to slow down and check in with where we’re at and then proceed to care for what comes up is the kind of sustainable, loving care we need to be giving ourselves right now, because if we can do it in 2020 it’ll be something that we can do whenever.

Pick up this book if you’re feeling like you’ve just been through something that knocked you off your rocker and you want to care yourself back into health.  I read it in a single sitting and it felt so good to just be reminded of our fragility when we do big things (like having a baby or living in 2020).  When we recognize our sacred bodies and minds and what it looks like to care really deeply for it we bring about robust resilience.

How do you check in on yourself to really know how you’re doing? And then what do you do with the knowledge of where you’re at? How do you care for yourself?