Independence Day 11.6.18 - Reflection On Divorce

Five years ago today, I walked into the courthouse to file for divorce.

I stopped a stranger on the street and asked her to take a picture of this moment - she asked what I was doing, and I said, "Getting divorced," she said, "Oh! Well, congratulations?!"

I said, "Thank you!”

Not because I was celebrating "divorce," though, but because this moment was one of the most difficult, intentional, and profound of my life, and I knew it was at the time. I wanted to have the moment captured.

Reflection On Divorce

This day was more about a marriage than a divorce.

A coming together as a result of space that had been created.

I'd created space for my soul to take up - but it was only available through ending the chapter of my life I thought/vowed/white-knuckle gripped to believing would never end.

This was my soul's journey; I needed that marriage, that man, these children, that decade as part of my evolutionary journey.

I wouldn't be who I am today without it.

And because I've done deep work around the myriad elements of my marriage (why I chose it, why I played the role I did within it, what I learned from my husband and those exhausting and lonely years), I feel tremendous gratitude for it.

And for everything that came through the divorce itself.

In the 21 months, it took me to move from finally accepting the intuitive nudge that I needed to end my marriage (it was actually about eight years before I could accept it) to actually being divorced, I learned to trust myself and my intuition, and the signs and synchronicities that lined my path and HOLD MY GROUND more than in any other time in my life.

I leaned into the gifts that there hadn't been space for and nurtured them into being what they are today (and they continue to expand).

I divorced with incredible intention, consciousness, and conviction.

I knew I would be out of alignment with my soul's path and purpose if I stayed in my marriage any longer, and as afraid as I was about what everyone in our lives would think and say - I knew my soul would continue to be louder than the outer voices.

Learning From Divorce

The path into, through, and out of a divorce is a rite of passage unlike anything else I've experienced (except for entrepreneurship - it will also hand you your ass - but that's for another time).

Divorce can make or break you (just like the marriage itself).

It's all in how we navigate through it (much like life).

There are moments of profound grief, embarrassment, elation, joy, questioning ourselves, and everything in between. But if we let emotions call the shots and not our soul's consciousness, we'll remain in the patterns that have long been in place. We'll miss the lesson and have to repeat it.

I had no guidebook on how to navigate this epic life change called divorce.

I hadn't seen it done the way my soul was wanting to do it.

So I did it my own way - and that was also part of my soul's evolution.

All of this has allowed me to step more fully into who I'm here to be and what I'm here to do.

Many in my world are attracted to me because of my beautiful divorce and gorgeous co-parenting relationships. I'm proud that the journey I went on is proof for some that it's possible to do it well.

The thing about divorce is that it, like any ending of a relationship (breakup, separation, even death), it isn't about the relationship failing.

It's just its completion.

Navigating the Completion of A Relationship

How we navigate through this completion determines how it goes and what comes next.

We can suffer, cause suffering, or choose to evolve.

We can repeat the same dynamics that were present in that relationship with a new partner.

OR

We can evolve and become so authentically different that who we partner with next brings a whole new curriculum for our soul (and theirs).

The trajectory of my life shifted before November 6, 2023, but this is the day I got my "passport stamped" for the new destination. Five years ago, I completed a relationship that I am so grateful for, but I know I learned what I needed to and have moved forward in my soul's journey, and I'm happy we're all beyond it.

I don't believe everyone is meant to get divorced. There is so much to be learned in our intimate relationships, though, and we often get tangled up in the daily details that we miss the themes. And then we're years or decades into something that was meant to teach us something we haven't been able to learn yet (but it's right there, and it's possible to learn it while still IN the marriage!).

But I don't want us to miss out on what's meant for us to learn from our relationships that are ending, have already ended, or need to end. When we take time for reflection on divorce or the relationship, the lesson is still there (which means the expansion beyond it is, too). So I'm creating a beautiful offering all about Relationship Completions so that we can learn, heal, and evolve beyond where we are in our completion (even if we're in the relationship still).

This offering is coming straight from my heart and experience and what I've learned through my clients' experiences to those of you who feel led to complete or tidy up relationships that have already been completed in a way that serves your soul and the soul of the person you once loved.

It's a mini, focused Soul Forward experience unlike anything else I've ever created. It's perfect for those who have never done SFM and for those who have who are ready to go through it, focusing on this specific facet of life.

If you're interested in knowing more about this as it rolls out, add yourself to the early info waitlist using the form below.

You don't want to miss out on this experience because your human ego stepped in the way.

Let's learn what we're meant to learn here so that we change what comes next (for ourselves, our children, perhaps our partners, etc.).

I celebrate today because I did the hardest thing I could imagine and came out on the other side more evolved, loving, understanding, and gracious. 

I want to help you do the same.

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