My Healing Journey - Part 2

(Read Part 1 of my healing journey here)

I began to feel so supported by my habit of aligning with Love each morning that after a while I found I was holding onto that energetic alignment for longer stretches of time. It felt juicy. I couldn’t wait to wake up each day just to sit in Love and start my day that way. In the beginning, it was the one thing I had control over that brought me life in my day, the rest was still incredibly stressful.

I was still broken physically and trying to heal my adrenal fatigue. I was in the first few months of going through the divorce while still living in the same house with Josh while both of us did everything we could to protect the kids from being affected by what was going on between us. We were each navigating the unknown.  

I was still seeing my therapist who was helping me go slowly and thoughtfully through this crisis, and my team of doctors to help heal my body.

But these sessions were only blips of light on my calendar, the rest of it was work, stress, single parenting when Josh was in L.A., and going through the process of divorce.

I had set up my life to live as a mule. I was the only able-bodied adult in our home and business in Bend. I hauled boxes of books because Josh couldn’t. I filled my SUV with hundreds of boxes of books and shipped them out to L.A., and donated them around town. I moved them whenever Josh couldn’t. I’d lifted 10s of thousands of pounds of books in my decade as a bookstore owner and I’m not a big person.

I did all the heavy lifting at home, too. I loaded and unloaded our family into and out of the car for every outing. Stollers, car seats, a wheelchair, gear, luggage, all of it. I loaded and unloaded it and did the driving. In the beginning, before kids and bookstores, it wasn’t that big of a deal to be the legs for both of us, but through the years (and IVF, infants and small children who could mostly only be lifted by me, and building out bookstores,) I got fried.

I saw a healer around this time who told me “you heal at the base of your breath, when you’ve breathed out but haven’t taken in your next breath. That’s when your body is at rest.”  

When my doctor initially discovered my adrenal fatigue she said I needed to stop everything; no work, no exercise beyond walking (and even that I needed to be chill about), lots of help with kids, tons of sleep. Really, what she wanted to do was send me away for a month or longer, to heal and rest, but that wasn’t happening.

What I needed in this season was deep, restorative rest. My agreements had gotten me to this place and I was the only one who could get me out of it. I was so used to pushing myself every day that I didn’t believe it was ok to do less, or say no. I had so much subconscious programming around believing I was a burden if I asked for too much that I never wanted to ask for help in the way I needed it. I was terrified of being a burden (or being seen as one).

These subconscious beliefs around my worth and being a burden created the life I was living, and I was physically manifesting the damage of those beliefs.

I needed to believe it was ok for me to rest. I needed to know that it was good and healthy for me to take the time I needed each day, or week, or even to take a solo trip out of town to restore myself. I was beginning to understand that if my body wasn’t healthy I wasn’t going to be able to get through the deep transition out of my marriage and into a whole new way of living as a single mom.

I started really resting when Josh moved a few houses away and we had a co-parenting schedule that allowed me to have a few days with no one but myself to think about. I slept soundly at night knowing no one was going to wake me up. I rested during the day whenever I needed to (which was pretty frequently).

I was fortunate to have this setup, but what I could have used was something to help me reach that deep level of rest for my nervous system and body while I was in the darkest days of parenting tiny babies and energetic toddlers. I could have used something to calm my inner world and ease my busy mind while I was navigating work, home, healing, and every stage of my divorce.

I wish I’d had a way to do that when I became a mom and wife to a man who was handicapped. I wish I’d had a way to do that when I was working seven jobs in my 20s operating under the scarcity mentality I had running in my subconscious. If I’d had a way to rest this way I would have had a different experience in life.

I needed (and still need) a way to rest deeply to heal and maintain my health and overall wellness. I’ve got a super active brain that has a hard time “turning off” so when I’ve tried to nap or rest in the past my mind would wander all over the place and I often ended up more stressed out than when I’d paused to rest. 

I needed something to help me bypass my monkey mind and reach a real state of peace and rest. Meditation wasn’t the right tool for me. Walking in nature was too active. Restorative yoga felt good to my body but allowed for too much mental freedom. I couldn’t find what I needed.

So I created it.

This Align with Deep Rest hypnosis audio is how I rest my whole being, in mini sessions.  

I’ve combined my own journey with my skills as a hypnotist, my knowledge of what kind of rest others need through my work with clients, my understanding of energetics and heart-brain coherence, and brought them together to create this hypnosis audio to Align with Deep Rest.

Taking time to rest amidst all the things that are calling for our attention takes intention. In the same way that I had to intentionally align myself with Love each morning, taking time to rest has to be intentional too.  

Listening to this audio in the middle of a busy day feels amazing. It takes the edge off what’s already stressed me out, allows me to ground myself within my body, and hits a mini-reset on my day. I come out of it calm and feeling peaceful and that allows me to check back into life operating in a healthier frequency.

This audio calms the nervous system which is essential to healing. It allows your mind to take a break, and your body to come into stillness, which can bring harmony to your whole being.  

Rest is necessary for all of us to maintain our well-being. I made discoveries about why I’m even more prone to stress and need more rest later in my journey, and all of these things fueled my passion to create a way to dip into that deep, restorative rest. Life is different when we’re operating from a healthy, rested state and I want that kind of life for myself and everyone.